I am human, just like you, the reader. We make mistakes which impact our friendships. Unluckily enough for me I only have three friends… well one, I guess. I can’t really count my boyfriend and today one of my friends has decided to end our friendship of 10 years. Now she has her reasons, but I also have my reasons as to proceed with the friendship.
A little bit about me and my relationship.
I would like to say since the day we met, I have been the same person. I am quite laid back and I like to stay out of drama. We joined the same secondary school after that and still, we were friends. Now in secondary school I would do anything to become unnoticed. I would sit in the library at lunch with my old friends (not including her) where we would just talk. All of us wanted the same thing. To be invisible. Now, I am a military girlfriend, which coincidently means I see my boyfriend every couple of months. Due to this, I often get myself in a state where I get unhappy and I miss him, obviously. I relied on her to make me happy. However, these past couple of weeks I could not have felt anything more than wanting to be away from her. In a way her boyfriend and her kept making comments about my relationship and how it was stupid to get myself in a long distant relationship. On top of that she kept saying how she believed, and I quote “Every man in the military cheats. I don’t believe that they can be loyal.”
For this next scenario I will allocate them with fake names just to keep privacy.
She will be called Sarah.
Her boyfriend will be called Tom.
My boyfriend will remain with his name, Bailey.
So, the story I am proceeding to tell you is the first, and only time Sarah and Tom met my boyfriend. So, Sarah invited bailey and I to her house where Tom and herself were chilling. We came to her house and I introduced them to bailey. Now Tom talked a lot about himself. He always made himself out to be this guy from a rough background who knows every trick in the book. Tom, being the guy he is, stood close to my boyfriend, stood on his tip toes a little, due to my boyfriend being taller and stared into his eyes.
“He’s not that muscly, I think I can beat him in a fight,” Tom spoke.
Lets just keep in mind Tom Is all talk. Now, I believe body shaming is wrong, even if you’re not friends with them, so let’s just say that Tom was half of what my boyfriend was. We also need to put in perspective that my boyfriend is in the army. He trains to fight. He trains to kill. Tom just said that to a trained killer. Luckily enough, I squeezed my boyfriends’ hand, which he knew meant that I don’t want him to say anything which will stir an argument.
While we were at her house, they both seemed a little odd towards me. They were blunt and may I say, quite rude. In perspective, if I had spoken to my friends in that way in front of my parents, I would have a hand print on my skin. Not only this, but they mocked Bailey for his job. Saying things such as:
. “But aren’t you just a cadet?”
. “why would you join one of the hardest jobs in the army when you have a girlfriend at home?”
. “what about if you die in battle?”
These sickened me to the core. My boyfriend is risking his life to serve his country… and people like this.
However, I accepted that this situation happened, and I forgave her. I just vowed that I would never allow Bailey to ever be around them again. It was not fair on him and honestly, it scared him a little.
Another scenario that happened was when my boyfriend was back on base (in the army). So, I hadn’t seen my boyfriend for about a year, he then came back for a week… A WEEK! We spent every second together. However, he had gone home, and I now had 4 months until I next saw him so obviously, I was upset. So where did I go? To Sarah and Tom.
I had turned the corner and they were there. I said hello, to which they replied. I didn’t even have a second to speak before Tom squeezed in, “Oh your depressed again.” He sighed straight after. He then asked why. I didn’t say anything because I knew I was upset, but I wasn’t depressed. I told him that Bailey had gone back. He asked where. Where Sarah then jumped in with her not so funny joke.
“Afghanistan!” she laughed.
She had the audacity to say that!
See therefore, I had drifted from them two these past few weeks. In all honesty, I wasn’t so sad about bailey. I was sad that it had got to the point where I felt I was losing my friends.
A little about her and her relationship.
Sarah was quiet, just like me in primary school. However, she really found herself in secondary school. She was popular and she loved makeup and anything girly. Her grades weren’t the greatest, but they could have been if she put in some effort. She had fallen in and out of relationships a bit during secondary school, which is completely fine. You do you. She then met Tom and now they are nearly a year strong! We didn’t seem to see each other as much during this time which is honestly fine. She had other friends, she had a boyfriend.
However, she argued with her boyfriend A LOT! I know that is quite common for a couple but honestly it would be over reasons I believed to be quite silly. Once, she even admitted sometimes she started arguments with her boyfriend because she was bored.
Through every argument they had they would come to me to help them. I didn’t treat Sarah any differently to Tom due to her being one of my good friends. I told them both straight what I believed they needed to improve on, within reason obviously. This was drama and I hated it. However, she was my friend, so I wanted to help. I was always there.
I was there through the nights she cried because they broke up (they’re kind of on and off).
I was there when she took her ring off and decided it was the end (which it wasn’t. it was a false alarm and I knew it because it had happened plenty times before).
I was there when she wasn’t answering Tom’s phone calls after each argument and Tom wanted to know if she was okay.
I was there when she wanted help to prove to Tom’s parents that she wasn’t controlling or toxic to Tom when they clearly thought she was.
I was there when big scenarios happened too. Obviously, I am not going to share them due to them having privacy.
The problem I am having is deciding if this is my fault and whether it is better to try and talk to her or not. Am I bad friend? Maybe I shouldn’t have given her relationship advice due to it not being my relationship?